Something To Return To

It was mid-June when New York  began to feel more normal. I remember when it started for me: I was at my sister’s East Village Birthday Party at Ding-A-Ling. It was the first time I'd been out past midnight in awhile, the first time I danced in a nightclub full of vaccinated people.

A great cascade followed. I felt busier, more social. I started wearing things, dotting blush on my cheeks after a make-up free year. Masks were no longer required outdoors, I went for a walk in Soho one weekend and seeing crowds without masks made me almost forgot there was a pandemic at all. Of course it wasn't the real, true normal. There were still things that I missed about New York Summers: I missed hotel bars, with their democratic door policies, top-shelf liquors and quiet, conversation-friendly rooms; Thursday night walks from the office to anywhere, making stops for ice cream or coffees, parking myself in squares or parks without much forethought; and the 24/7 version of the city that the virus killed, no longer could you order a pizza at 2 AM, or rely on a always-open drugstore. But still, what we were experiencing in New York's soft-opening felt like a step out of the woods.

Then, as if struck by an infection of the social kind, a FOMO hit me. I joined Bumble BFF, the platonic version of Bumble—you know, swipe-right-or-left—but far more civilized and with only a third of the stress and pressure. Somehow I managed to book six meetings which lead to a week and a half of terrace wine in the heat, happy-hour Moscow Mules, with strangers. I even met a few new neighbors, who introduced me to the places I hadn't seen before, including a stoop festival.

I had an unbelievably large amount of hope, a rarity for me. And as quick as that hope blossomed, the news of the Delta virus reduced it. Talk of returning restrictions made me and my new friends whisper "lockdowns" like it was going to jinx it to say it louder. I have a vacation coming up, but I'm already planning to return to a quieter reality. A frustrating thought, sure, but at least this time I'll remember what is on the other side, the fun to be had, the friends to see. The waiting will be sweeter. Before being safe and careful was not for me but for everyone else. Now it will also be for myself and all the things I want to return to.